Tuesday, 13 October 2009

On Virginity

Over the years, I have heard one reason or the other why a woman should keep her virginity. Mind you, it is always about the woman, never the man. Now, I’ve never really taken these people seriously and never really pondered why these people said what they said because in my experience, most Cameroonian women usually have 'tasted the goods' anyway by the time they get married or in any case by the time they reach their early/mid-twenties.
So, anyway, I was browsing the internet the other day, when I came across this post Virginity until Marriage

To say I was dismayed is an understatement. I became even more bewildered as I read on. At some point, I realized my brain refused to take in what I was reading and threatened a complete shutdown. I actually had to force myself to keep on reading till the end.

Is this guy serious? Are we living in the dark ages or what? Does the writer of this article realize how chauvinistic and narrow-minded he comes across? It takes two to tango. Are women having sex on their own or are there no men involved? So why is it only the women who are being addressed? What is it with always holding the woman responsible for the ills of society? Get serious.

Virginity in my opinion is seriously overrated! Yes, I said it. Why is it so important that a woman remains a virgin until marriage? Who is it hurting when a grown woman decides to indulge in sex with a man of her choice? Moreover, who is to say that a 'virgin' hasn't experienced all the joys of sex save for penetration?
I take great, I mean great exception to the fact that this writer is trying to tell me, a woman how I should lead my sexual life. I find it downright disrespectful that a woman’s worth is judged by whether her hymen is intact or not. We are more than that! Take heed: It is no concern of yours what I choose to do with that piece of flesh between my legs. I may decide to do away with it at the earliest possibility or I may decide to ‘dash’ it to the first man who catches my fancy or I may decide to keep until I bite the dust. It is my prerogative.
So, good and fine, you think virginity is a virtue that should be upheld. No wahala, but how about it should be upheld by BOTH males and females. Nowhere in this article did I see him mention that a man should also be a virgin till his wedding night. Don't you think it may also be important to some women that they are getting a 'pure, unsoiled' man and no 'old layer'? Or is only something that is applicable to only men?
As a commentator stated, deciding to keep your virginity till marriage or till thy kingdom come, should be a matter of personal choice. It is not something that should be mandated or imposed on anybody.

Now that I am on the topic, I must say I find it amuses me when I hear some brainwashed women say 'I am keeping my virginity for my husband'. Are you aware that while you are busy keeping your virginity for this obscure individual, he is busy f. ucking anything in skirts? So what do you get for all your trouble? If it is not lack of appreciation, it will be STD or at worst you get a cheating husband who is not being satisfied at home, because ironically, you lack the experience to keep him sated.

Let me make myself clear, I have nothing against virginity as such. My problem comes with the reasons tendered and the hypocrisy surrounding it all. How do you explain men being encouraged to ‘sow their wild oats’ and when women do the same, it causes an uproar. Or the fact that men are given a pat on their back for promiscuity while women are scorned for it. You see, someone would say, oh keep your virginity so that your husband/men will respect you. Lies! Don’t buy any of it. That ‘respect’ will last at most a few hours and after that it is back to business as usual. Or you would hear some men would say, I want a ‘pure’ woman for a wife, yeah, right, after having f.ucked the brains out of Manka'a, Eposi and Senge. To be honest, I suspect all these men who INSIST on having an innocent and untouched wife are perverts and paedophiles in disguise. There is something highly intoxicating about violating innocence. Yes, that is how it starts; from wanting a wife with her hymen intact, it will be wanting one who has had no sexual experience at all (think no oral, no petting, no kissing) and where does that lead you? Yes, to the most innocent in our society: the children.

For me, deciding to remain a virgin or not has to be the woman’s choice and her choice alone, without any meddling or manipulation from society. Neither should a woman be judged by society for her decision.

I am happy that more and more Cameroonian women have seen through this bullshit attempt by men to control our sexuality and are expressing themselves sexually like never before. If some bigoted men think women being sexually liberated, is the highway to moral decadence that is their wahala ‘cos there is nothing they can do about it. It is how it is.

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11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Rubish

Anonymous said...

Are you one of those perverts and/or paedophiles?

Anonymous said...

What a liberal account! People's views of virginity cannot be completely indifferent of their underpinning religion. How I view virginity, is intrinsically shaped by my Faith. This is one of those issues where bear not right or wrong face! Let's express our views without condemning or being excessively judgmental!

Anonymous said...

this just proofs that this lady hs no standards, class or whatever. I am sure she doesn't represent cameroon women but if she does what a shame. I wouldn't want to be with a whore like this. No doubt aids is eating them up like rabbits. What a liberal gabbage. Have some class lady or better yet bitch.

Anonymous said...

Is that the beautiful side of cameroon? sssshit.

Anonymous said...

i can see your level of jalousy it is not ssshit or rubish it is better then nothing at lince there are not stabbing their families member
and mind you aids i can ensure u that aids is every where some countries are just convering it up for their population,i am african not originally from cameroun but people always africa suffer more from aids just because they are lacking of certain health services like some countries.

Anonymous said...

I take it the above anonymous posts are men? They are precisely whats wrong with Africa/Cameroon. You've been preaching virginity, virginity, has it worked? you know why girls are still dying from aids? because they HAVEN'T been thought any better way of protecting themselves in the event they do have sex! Its always been abstain, abstain, BUT has it WORKED!? there you go Africans! sweeping things under the carpet just because you don't know how to better address the issue without sounding NAIVE yourself! Infact let me break it down to the basic, all of you who have just tried to degrade this lady, HOW MANY OF YOU HAVEN'T HAD SEX? and im not talking only about non penetration, because the meaning of being a Virgin is, you've never tried ANYTHING, be it oral sex, kissing etc...Being a virgin isnt ONLY in your hymen! I personally was raised in a very Christian family and I love that fact, but when it comes to virginity, its not enough again to preach only abstaining. Because either way you want it, there WILL be those who don't abstain. Not only will they have sex, they'll do it without being better prepared. THEY WONT KNOW HOW TO PROTECT THEMSELVES!You say this lady is whats wrong with cameroon today, when was the last time you were in cameroon?? let me educate you a little. I was in cameroon recently and do you know when kids start having sex now? Infact just seeing the number of young men and women having babies already I FELT OLD! and I havent reached Mid 20's yet. Ask YOUR SONS AND DAUGHTERS! they are probable the very once having sex at an early age! Everybody has their own opinions on this topic, and just because someone has a more liberal view ISNT cause for DISRESPECT! all you HYPOCRITES! and like she said, WHY AREN'T THE MEN HELD TO THE SAME STANDARDS!? because as a female I CAN assure you that MANY MANY times, its the MEN who DILIGENTLY, SHAMELESSLY pursue girls to their downfall. It just NAUSEATES me the OLD OLD papas, all of whom are MARRIED but still trying to play life, go after young girls! I can attest to that! As AFRICAN men with "STANDARDS" were are your MORALS!!?? RUBBISH! If i choose to loose my virginity it is NO concern of yours...vice versa. All I can do for myself and every other young african girl is, be educated when it comes to protection. So in the event I or any other person does choose to stop being a virgin, I wont do it naively! We're in 2010, not 1950, times are changing. if your cause is to keep women from loosing their virginity, change your strategy with Love.

Larissa Lloyd said...

Ok this is all behind in the times, virginity is pure? I have very very strong views on this yet i do not know where i stand on the issue... I wanted to keep my virginity for the right person, i only wanted to meet one man, but this is not the world we live in and my thoughts have also changed accodingly. I live in the moment now, which is hard for some people to get to grips with, it doesn't mean i will sleep with alot of people quite the opposite, it's a spiritual choose to live in the moment to to live in the past or want to live on the future. what ever you think about this all i can say is i get alot more done in every aspect, i do not want. Someone once said when a bloke got an erection it was there way of looking into the future, so many it has to be done. Maybe it doesn't? Virginity, is purity, hmm, is it? I beieve it is... i understand this on a level, but i do know what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Purity is good, yes, but people choose not to be pure? I still don't know my views completely, i am working on it. I have to been celibate, by choice and that, has it's benefits only when you can truly understand sex and what it can be for, will we understand... We crave for it, not only as a want, an addiction, not only for biological purpose, not only for the mind tricks like telepathy, not only for the power, forgiveness, but something deeper the connection.

larissa lloyd said...

Hmm... Womans way to look into the future what is it? ? ? Yet purity is good, but it is just a frame of mind, so therefore i think the bodily virginity is nonsense... It's bullshit, but we have to understand why we feel or felt is wasn't...

Larissa Lloyd said...

Saying that, our body mind and spirit are all one, hmmm... Maybe we will learn this one in the next stage, love ya's all...

Sujay said...

So beautiful the site is.Thank you.